“I’m grateful for the space Ed provided and for the progress I made during our time working together.”
Client testimonial
Understanding how you relate
Most couples don’t come to therapy because they don’t care about each other. They come because they feel stuck in patterns they can’t seem to break on their own.
Perhaps one of you feels criticised, so you withdraw. The other feels ignored, so you push harder. The more one pushes, the more the other withdraws. Before long, you’re having the same arguments, making the same complaints and hurting each other in ways neither of you really intends.
If you could fix this yourselves, you probably would. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you need someone outside the relationship to help you see what you can’t quite see from inside it. And that’s where I come in.
Therapy gives you a quiet, dedicated space to work out what is actually happening between you. My role is not to decide who is right or who is wrong, but to help you understand yourselves as individuals within the relationship, and to understand the dynamic you create together.
A question I find particularly useful is: why does what bothers you, bother you?
What sits underneath the argument? Why does this particular behaviour affect you so strongly? What do you expect from each other, and where did those expectations come from? We all carry ideas about relationships, about ourselves, and about how we expect other people to treat us. Sometimes those ideas are operating beneath the surface without us fully realising it.
Love is a verb. It requires practice, work and effort.
Couples therapy can be a place to become curious about how you love and how you want to be loved. It can create the space to rediscover care, curiosity, play and intimacy, and to build a richer and more fulfilling way of being together.
Relationships & Couples Therapy
How we will work together
In couples therapy, the client is the relationship between you both.
I am not here to fix your partner. It is completely understandable to want the other person to change, particularly when you feel hurt or frustrated. But lasting change usually requires both people to become curious about their own part in the pattern, rather than simply trying to change the other person.
My role is to help you understand the patterns you have developed together, question the assumptions and expectations underneath them, and create new ways of relating that feel healthier for both of you.
What you can expect:
No secrets: I work openly and transparently with both partners. I don't hold private information or conversations on behalf of one person against the other. Any communication outside our sessions, including email or WhatsApp, will include you both.
Looking beneath the surface: We will look beyond the immediate issue to understand what is driving it. You may be invited to examine your habits, expectations and deeply held ideas about relationships, including patterns that you may not have consciously chosen but find yourself repeating.
Taking responsibility for your own part: You will not be asked to take responsibility for everything that goes wrong in the relationship. You will, however, be encouraged to consider your own contribution to the patterns between you. The aim is not blame, but greater understanding and choice.
Individual support when needed: Sometimes our work together will uncover an issue that would be better explored individually. If a personal difficulty is getting in the way of the couples work, I may suggest that one of you considers individual therapy alongside or separately from our work together.
Clear boundaries: Couples therapy is not a crisis service. If either of you is experiencing an immediate crisis or requires a level of support beyond what couples therapy can safely provide, I will help you consider more appropriate support.
First session: getting straight to work
Some couples therapy services begin with an assessment involving both partners, followed by separate individual sessions, before the therapy itself properly gets underway. With appointments spaced out, it can take a month or more before you feel like you’ve actually started.
If you’ve taken the step of coming to therapy, I don’t want you to spend your first few sessions simply waiting to get started.
Before we meet, I ask you both to complete a short online assessment separately. This gives me some initial understanding of you as individuals, your relationship and what has brought you to therapy.
Our first session is 75 minutes. We’ll use some of that time to clarify and build on what you’ve shared, but we’ll also get straight into the work. There’s no need to spend several sessions simply gathering information before we begin exploring what is happening between you.
Of course, understanding a relationship properly takes time. As our work develops, we’ll gradually explore your individual histories, your experiences of the relationship and the different meanings you each attach to what happens between you. Some of the most important things may only emerge once we’ve had the time and space to understand them together.
Logistics and practicalities
Before we begin
Because couples therapy works best when you both understand what you're entering into, I ask that you both read this page before booking. It should give you a clear sense of how I work and what you can expect from our sessions.
Before our first session, I’ll also ask you both to complete a short set of questions separately. This gives us somewhere useful to begin and means we can make good use of our first session.
Sessions
We’ll begin with 75 minute sessions at £130.
As our work develops, we can decide together whether a different length or frequency would be more useful. Sessions can be adjusted to:
60 minutes: £105
75 minutes: £130
90 minutes: £150
Sessions can be weekly or fortnightly, depending on what feels appropriate for you and what we're working on.
Starting out
I generally recommend beginning with a block of six sessions. Around the sixth session, we'll take some time to look at what has changed, what we're understanding differently and whether continuing our work together feels useful.
There is no expectation that couples therapy should continue indefinitely. The aim is to make meaningful use of the time we have together and to review that together as we go.
Location
For in person couples therapy, I work from my practice in Highcliffe, Dorset.
A little preparation
If you'd like to do some thinking before we begin, you may also find it useful to read Get the Most Out of Your Couples Therapy from The Couples Institute.
Professional Standards & Qualifications
I am currently completing specialist training in working with couples and relationship issues, gaining a Level 5 professional Certificate in Relationships & Couples Therapy accredited by COSRT (College of Sexual and Relationship Therapy).